The Onion

Everything Taking Too Long

DORM LIFE: UPDATE

It's Tuesday and I didn't update Monday's update of the Dorm Life update.
So here's the update. Dorm life

UNBELIEVABLE DINNER!

this is funny.

POWER RANGERS

When I was a child, right up until I was a sophomore in high school, I desperately wanted to be a power ranger. Now I'm nothing but an insecure closet case. I want(ed) to be the Green Ranger so badly. Dragonzord!
Green Ranger got the best costume, turned into White Ranger, AND had sexual relations with Pink Ranger.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Tell me how a prepubescent boy would not want to be that.
Any of it.
I'd be the head in the fish bowl if I could.
Also Kimberly (Amy Jo Johnson) was in my pre-spanking spank bank
I haven't thought about her in while, but I'm temporarily reenlisting her in my top 10 spank bankables.

Then:


Now:


Still spankable.

ALL THAT!

Reminiscing on the good ole days.
Also, remember when Kenan Thompson was on All That?
These are some famous quotes from his classic character "Everyday French with Pierre Escargot"
Write 'em down. Use 'em all the time.

May I take a nap in your nose? Ho Ho Ho Ho!
I have not showered in 36 days! Ho Ho Ho Ho!
Take those porkchops out of your brasierre! Ho Ho Ho Ho!
May I pop my pimple on your lasagna? Ho... Ho... Ho... Ho!

DORM LIFE

I've always lived off-campus.
So I live vicariously through Dorm-Life
Dorm-Life is everything I imagine dorm life to be; condensed into digestible 10 minute comedic segments.
Here's the first episode of the first semester.
They're already on semester 2
New episodes every monday.
I'll post them from now on

MUSTACHE!

A moustache makes the asshole.
It's an old saying.
Moustached-men are a blight on the earth.
Prove they aren't.

Hitler.
Dr. Phil.
Yosemite Sam.
This guy:

Ok, maybe they're not all assholes. Dr. Phil and Yosemite Sam are just misunderstood.
All I'm saying is.
Jesus was a great guy. Had a moustache. Got him killed.
I can't grow a moustache. I'm grateful.